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All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.

Vikram Seth
there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out

Crystal.

I went looking for beauty...

I visited the beach a couple of nights ago as the sun set. My eyes appreciated the rainbow of colour that stretched across the sky at dusk and my mind thought the sandy patterns made by the waning tide were quite spectacular, yet I felt nothing.

I walked for some time towards the water and sat myself on the wet sand. It was strange, to think that only hours ago, that place had been covered in meters of water. An awesome thought... the power of the tide itself. But I still felt nothing. No awe... no beauty.

Soon, I realised that the ocean floor as far as I could see was absolutely covered with tiny crabs. The strange sound I'd half perceived through my introspection was their motion. I was sitting admidst millions of tiny ocean life-forms, each going about their business, and I hadn't even noticed them. I'd likely squashed thousands of them with my bare feet as I walked out to the water. I was probably sitting on hundreds of the creatures. I felt such a realisation should come with a profound new understanding of life itself, but still, I felt nothing.

At this point, I'd been out there for quite some time and thought it best to head back to the dry sand, and then perhaps walk home. I felt I'd failed. I saw so many things that my mind told me were beautiful, but I felt nothing.

Back on the dry sand, I put on my cardigan and sat back down, determined to understand beauty and to at least feel it once before I walked back home. My distance vision isn't fantastic so for a little while, I stared at these strange black things scattered on the beach, trying to work out exactly what they were. My heart jumped into my mouth when I realised they were big, black and very dead fish... missing their sides. It wasn't until I focused on the corpses of tens of fish, (likely filleted alive by fishing boats and thrown back to the sea) that I felt anything at all. At first I felt shock and disgust and a strong desire to move away from that place, but I stayed with it. I watched seagulls peck and pull at the carcasess, until a lone circling hawk frightened them off in a flurry of wings and squarks.

Left with the shells of fish and that glorious, solitary bird flying circles above me, my heart began to swell. In that moment, I came to understand a little more about beauty. I found it in the connectivity of life... in that Love itself. It was only then that I realised I couldn't truly have known and felt beauty because I felt apart from it... disconnected from the mountainous islands and the blue-green waves. My introspection and the illusion of singularity had crippled me.

Beauty is in Love that forms the fabric of the Universe.

Love. Stardust.
Despite my self serving nature and all my other flaws, I feel a responsibility to the world and to humanity. I want to create something beautiful and lasting - something that can change lives and move whole communities.

Though I am so very small, I want to touch every soul.
I wish I had a real dream... something grounded in reality. I wish I felt strongly enough about that dream to plan a real future around it.
These silent moments are more beautiful than any other... more Divine than any touch I've known.

I would live in your love

I would live in your love as the sea-grasses live in the sea,
Borne up by each wave as it passes, drawn down by each wave that recedes;
I would empty my soul of the dreams that have gathered in me,
I would beat with your heart as it beats, I would follow your soul
as it leads.

-Sarah Teasdale